I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Come on in and take your pants off
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