I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
