I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
