I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
