yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
