i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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