in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
ok first of all what the fuck
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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