sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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