maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
