dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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