This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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