you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
