forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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