I got chris browned last night
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
