goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Bring me that man meat
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
