walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
