Welp...herpes.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
