apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
