I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
