I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
