That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize