i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
