Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
