My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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