Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
