I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
