i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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