Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
