I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
