I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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