she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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