I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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