hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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