I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
