I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dignity is for republicans.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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