you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
