She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
