This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
