Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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