I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
two words: eviction party
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
