He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
