I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
