and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
