im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
