quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
