My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
