There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
