Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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