We're like a lot better than the average bears
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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