I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
