so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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