apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
