Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
